Been reading through the past 10 entries I've written and I seem to be happier in school. I don't know why I find joy being in school, mostly because your friends are around and you just go crazy with them because they see you for who you are and ah I miss 09A201, we're so crazy together I wonder how all of us can ever forget each and everyone of us. Used to be happier, used to have much less in mind even in the final academic year of the dreaded A's, used to be better at things, now everything is just left to decompose. Rotting, decaying and everything we've learnt seems to be on a decline. Who really remembers them? Now I'm not even sure what I'm pointing at anymore, senseless and it keeps those fingers typing non-stop because they have been deprived of words for so long. Can't seem to remember when I last penned my thoughts properly, picking up a pen seems empty because nothing comes to my mind anymore. Everything comes to a standstill and it's even scarier at night.
After D-Day, I'm being forced to think about my circumstances and change my gameplan (ha!). Not my best and yes, most probably deserved those grades too. The first night was bad, got so scared by the options placed in front of me, it kept my mind so preoccupied, I woke up feeling so mentally drained at the bleak prospects. So naturally, second day was probably the worst, everything negative just came and kept forcing myself to think that it wasn't as bad as I thought, but the more I put such thoughts in my head, the more oppressive the inner demon became. Angst just poured out along with frustation and it was pretty pathetic to see myself moping around the house. I was really depressed and frustrated over the limitations in the courses available and the whole thought of the inflexible Singapore education system left a pretty bad taste in my mouth and the whole idea of the branding of the local universities got me pretty sick in the stomach. Now I realise that we all get too concerned to be defined by the school we get into. Thank goodness for the girls. I was mentally slapped and needed to get a grip over myself and seriously rethink what I should do. And thank you for second options, I've realised everything becomes better once you know and understand what you want. I was definitely too extreme in my negativity and from now on, I can only look forward.
I only wish to do what I want and hopefully everything turns out well.
After D-Day, I'm being forced to think about my circumstances and change my gameplan (ha!). Not my best and yes, most probably deserved those grades too. The first night was bad, got so scared by the options placed in front of me, it kept my mind so preoccupied, I woke up feeling so mentally drained at the bleak prospects. So naturally, second day was probably the worst, everything negative just came and kept forcing myself to think that it wasn't as bad as I thought, but the more I put such thoughts in my head, the more oppressive the inner demon became. Angst just poured out along with frustation and it was pretty pathetic to see myself moping around the house. I was really depressed and frustrated over the limitations in the courses available and the whole thought of the inflexible Singapore education system left a pretty bad taste in my mouth and the whole idea of the branding of the local universities got me pretty sick in the stomach. Now I realise that we all get too concerned to be defined by the school we get into. Thank goodness for the girls. I was mentally slapped and needed to get a grip over myself and seriously rethink what I should do. And thank you for second options, I've realised everything becomes better once you know and understand what you want. I was definitely too extreme in my negativity and from now on, I can only look forward.
I only wish to do what I want and hopefully everything turns out well.
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